


Whispers and Nagging Thoughts

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-21
Updated: 2006-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked.  It was something she'd always dreamed about being able to do with a boyfriend.  He was the first guy she could do that with.  Wait, had she just thought of him as a boyfriend?





	Whispers and Nagging Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Whispers and Nagging Thoughts**

**by:** Vega 

**Character(s):** CJ Cregg  
**Pairing(s):** CJ/Simon, Ron/OFC   
**Category(s):** General  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Disclaimer:** God almighty I wish Simon were mine. The things I'd do to him ... wait. Wrong fantasy. No, I do wish Simon and CJ were mine. But, since they aren't, I'm borrowing them. They're gonna get dirty, but I promise they'll take a bath before they go home. I, unfortunately, don't get any money for them getting dirty. Or clean for that matter. Ron also belongs to NBC, et al. Grace Butterfield and Matt Gregson are all mine, though.  
**Summary:** She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked. It was something she'd always dreamed about being able to do with a boyfriend. He was the first guy she could do that with. Wait, had she just thought of him as a boyfriend?  
**Written:** 2006-04-08  
**Author's Note:** This is number 2 in the **Romeo and Juliet** series. I've never written a story where Simon wasn't shot. I hate breaking away from canon like that. But, I miss Simon and now that the show is ending, I'm feeling my A/U radar kicking in. 

**Dedication** : This story is now for Gillian. This one, the previous chapter, and all future chapters. For Gillian. She knows why. 

**_There was just this breath of air between us, and I couldn't breathe_**.  
~ _Breathe_ 5:30 Saturday Morning 

**Chapter 2: Whispers and Nagging Thoughts**

He hated coming home to an empty house. He'd been doing it all his life, and he'd always hated it, but the last few days, the silence was deafening. With a sigh, Ron locked the door behind him, dropped his weapon and badge onto the table just inside the door, and toed off his shoes. There were days when his job was rewarding, and days when it was tiring, but days like today, when it was only paperwork and final reports and filing official chargers, it was just draining. 

As soon as he stepped through the archway from the foyer to the living room, the hair on his arms stood up. Someone was in the house. In the time - less than a second- that he spent calculating the choice to just grab for his ankle holster or retreat to get his service revolver, he heard movement, and spun, hoping to knock the weapon out of the intruder's hands. He reached out, blindly, on instinct, but found himself knocked flat to the ground. It was the laughter that broke through his defenses, and as his eyes cleared, he found himself looking at the most beautiful sight in the world. 

Straddling him was a tall, slender woman with bright green eyes and the most amazing length of deep brown hair. It was loose, flowing around her almost bare shoulders, and the pink negligee she was wearing complimented her milky white skin. "You're getting slow in your old age, Romeo." A soft voice, tilted with an ever-fading southern accent reached his ears and Ron felt himself completely relax. 

"Gracie ..." He reached up to stroke her cheek. "You're home?" 

"For a little while." Grace Butterfield leaned down, her hands coming to rest on the floor on either side of her husband's head. They kissed, softly, as Ron moved his hands up to stroke her arms. It was always like this when she came home - he spent the first ten minutes just wanting to touch her, to feel every part of her. 

"When did you get in?" 

"Ron," Grace chuckled as she kissed him again, "we haven't seen each other in six months. Would you cut the crap and just make love to me? We can talk later." 

He laughed and, the ice broken, he rolled them over, kissing her the entire time. The short nightgown she wore went up easily around her hips and Ron didn't even bother to remove his clothing as he moved inside of her the first time. Just hearing Grace's moans and gasps, feeling her clench around him - it was heaven. Twenty-five years of never knowing when they'd see each other, it was wearing on a marriage, but the reunions were always passionate. They really were both too old to keep doing this, to ravage each other on the hard wood floor, and he knew they'd feel it in the morning, but tonight, right this second, he didn't care. Gracie was home, and he was going to take full advantage of every moment. 

*** 

"You make me feel like a teenager again," CJ looped her arm through Simon's as they walked down past the office buildings and toward her street. 

"And you make me wish you'd let me drive." Simon chuckled and looked at her. "We drove in." 

"It's a nice night. Anyway, who's going to know if you wear the same suit again tomorrow? All you secret service guys wear is that suit." 

Simon chuckled. "Forgetting the fact that I'm working a short, but late shift tomorrow so I have time to go home and change, I keep an extra suit in my locker." 

"You're assuming I'm going to let you stay tonight?" The sparkle in her eyes gave her away. "Anyway, why are you rubbing in the fact that you can sleep in while I have to get up at the crack of dawn to prepare for yet another day in the crossfire of campaigning. It's really not a way to win my heart. " 

"You're the one who decided politics was a good career move." He grinned again, "Weren't you living the cushy life in Beverly Hills? You know, mansions and playboys and pools and Donna Karin dresses?" 

"Ha." She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked. It was something she'd always dreamed about being able to do with a boyfriend. He was the first guy she could do that with. Wait, had she just thought of him as a boyfriend? "Actually, it was nice. I mean, I hated film and TV, but the political PR was nice. Cushy office, cushy hours, and it were the press secretaries for the other campaigns who had the stress. I just wrote the copy for the ads." 

"You sound like you miss it." 

"I love public service. That's all I'll say right now. There are nights, when I'm alone and tired and I have to be at work in three hours where I wonder if I'm getting anything done." 

"You are." He let her take the lead up to her apartment. He still had a key and wondered if it was proper etiquette to give it back to her. She hadn't asked. She locked the door behind them and covered his lips with her own. Simon moaned, losing himself completely in the kiss and the feel of her body pressed up against his. When they broke for air, she just smiled at him and moved toward the stairs. 

"Talk to me later, Agent Sunshine." He chuckled and slipped out of his jacket, leaving it on the table just inside the door. His service weapon and badge followed and he toed out of his shoes before following her up the stairs. 

*** 

Ron sighed softly as he rolled off his wife and pulled her tightly into his arms. Grace reached down, yanking the comforter up over their naked bodies before relaxing completely. Having his arms around her and the comforter they'd been given on their wedding day over them always made her feel completely safe and secure. "I'm glad you're home," he whispered against her shoulder. 

"Me too." Grace snuggled closer. "And to answer your previous question, I got in this afternoon and completed debriefing right before you got home, actually." 

"How long are you ...?" 

"You know better than to ask that question, Special Agent." Grace sighed and wished she could give him more. So much of their life together was cloaked in secrecy. 

"I know." He kissed her shoulder again. 

"What's been going on here that you can talk about?" 

"We caught a stalker this past week. CJ Cregg was getting death threats." 

"Do you think it's really the guy?" Grace knew by the set of her husband's shoulders that something wasn't sitting right with him. 

"His confession is accurate to our information. Almost too accurate. I just worry that we've over looked something, but the evidence says otherwise." He sighed. "I just don't want to be wrong again." 

"I know you don't." It was useless to get her husband to stop his private blame-fest for the shooting in Roslyn. He was right, it had been an act of madmen and it was something that even though they were prepared for, they couldn't stop it. Ron didn't do well with madmen. At least, not privately. "But it's out of your hands. You've caught him. And the stalking has stopped since then?" 

"For the moment." 

"Then there isn't anything you can do but wait." 

"I don't wait well." Ron chuckled. "Yes I do." 

"Yes, you do." Grace pressed back against his firm body, and not for the first time since she came home today started to wonder maybe if taking a job with the agency and staying home with her husband for the first time in their twenty-five year marriage was a better course of action. She missed him so much, and as time went by, the longing only grew worse. But she always had these thoughts when she was home, fresh from an assignment. 

"I'd ask about how things went but I have a feeling that you can't tell me." 

Grace chuckled, mirthlessly. "I can say that I'm tired of watching people die ..." 

"And you're tired of being the one to pull the trigger?" 

"I'm not supposed to talk about it." 

"I know." He nuzzled the space between her shoulder and neck. "I just know you, Gracie." 

She sighed, moving her neck to give him better access. "Do you ever regret our lives, Ron?" 

"What do you mean, Sweetheart?" He caressed down her body, feeling the blood moving and her nerves coming alive again under his hands. 

"We barely see each other, we don't have kids, and we wrestle with demons that most people only write novels about." She rolled and looked up into his eyes. "Twenty-five years and we've seen each other ..." she sighed. "Don't mind me. I just realized tonight how much I've missed you while I've been where I am." 

Ron slid a long finger down the front of her body, toying at her nipples and then her belly button. "I've missed you too. We were up in New York and we could have easily lost an agent in a simple robbery ... and all I could think was how it could have been me. And you wouldn't have known until you came back, whenever that was." 

"What happened in New York?" 

"Simon was shot at." 

"Simon! God, he's okay, right?" Grace almost pushed her husband's hands away. Simon Donovan was a brother to them. 

"Yes, Gracie, he's fine." Ron actually started to laugh. "Actually, something tells me that right now, he's probably feeling very alive." 

Grace raised an eyebrow. "And what is that supposed to mean? Has our Simon finally found someone? I leave the country for six months and he finally works up the nerve to ask someone out? See, this is why I can't leave anymore. I miss all the gossip!" 

Light laughter became full blown guffaws for a moment. "It's new, I promise you. Although now that I look at it, he's probably been harboring feelings for this woman for a long time." 

Grace Butterfield was a smart, accomplished, very quick-witted woman and it took her exactly 3.2 seconds to put it all together. "You assigned Simon to protect CJ Cregg. Ron! You know procedure ..." 

"I don't think anything happened while she was officially his protectee. And when I finish reviewing his report, I'll be able to talk to him more." Ron was still laughing. "But he's happy, Grace. God, for the first time since I've known him, he's happy. He was whistling today." 

It was Grace's turn to start laughing. "Oh God. Not only is he happy, but Simon Donovan probably ..." she started to shudder. "All right, I think of this man as a brother," her North Carolina accent started coming through, "an' right now, I don't want to think of him in any kind of position that CJ Cregg could twist him in to. She's a formidable woman. Simon's met his match." 

Ron laughed. "I now know that if I ever need to actually train an agent in protection duty, to use CJ. Simon is unflappable. She had him flapped." 

Grace giggled and then pressed up against her husband's roaming hands. "We can talk about Simon later." 

*** 

"Oh God ..." Simon moaned, somehow maintaining enough control to not completely thrust into CJ's mouth. As it was, his hands were completely controlling the movement of her head. "God, CJ!" He felt his control slipping and his body started to quiver as he exploded completely. His heart raced in ways he'd forgotten it could while she swallowed and sucked him clean, and his fingers went from gripping her scalp and pulling her hair to gently running through the soft, blond strands that tickled his thighs. After a long minute, CJ moved back up his body and snuggled close. "Wow ..." they kissed softly. "How did you ..." he chuckled. "How did you learn to be that good? And please don't tell me that practice makes perfect. You just have a skill that is given by God." 

She laughed softly and ran her fingers through the fine hair on his chest. "I'll let you believe what you want to, Simon." Never before had she felt so comfortable just lying in bed with someone. Even with Toby, who could calm or energize her with a simple look, but not even he had the ability to make her this comfortable. It scared her. "Are we moving too fast? I mean ..." 

Fear stabbed through Simon's heart. Already she wanted to pull away. He wanted to sing from the rooftops and she wanted to pull away. "What do you mean?" 

She could sense the sudden tension in his body and sat up a bit so that she could look into his eyes. "I just don't want to crash and burn with you, Simon. When I told you I liked you, I meant it. I don't want this to fall apart in three weeks. I don't do well with broken hearts." 

He touched her cheek. "Let me guess, you bottle it all up inside until you become completely numb to the pain, but while you're doing that you snap at and lash out at everyone in your path." 

"Shut up." 

Simon laughed before capturing her lips against his. "I don't want to crash and burn, CJ. I want this to go somewhere." 

"I do too." She gave into his hands as he rolled them over and started to focus his attention on her body. It was already two AM, and she had to be at work in just over four hours, but she didn't care. The sleep of afterglow was always so much more fulfilling. 

*** 

"You're still on European time?" 

Grace chuckled and poured him a cup of tea from the hot water. "You don't know that I was in Europe." 

"I guessed. Thank you." He smiled and took the tea. 

"The problems of being married to a man who is trained to sense changes, you can't sneak out of bed." 

"You're a CIA operative, you should be able to sneak anywhere you want." 

"Then it's just a problem with being married to the same man for twenty-five years." She moved over to lean against her husband. What she had had to do while in Prague bothered her still - she'd never had to give everything up before, in all her years in the CIA and even though they'd both accepted long ago that something could happen while she was undercover, she didn't like that it had happened. And she also knew that Ron could tell as well. The military had made them both animals, and while he was a tender and gentle soul, he still had the heart of a beast and that beast could smell when his territory had been infringed upon. She had acted out of survival instincts, and now she didn't know who it hurt more, him or her. "Ron ..." 

"Don't, Gracie." He kissed her softly. "We knew it would happen eventually. The less I know about your operations, the better. And this one, I don't know if I can hear." His arms tightened around her. 

"Then I won't say anything other than I love you." 

He kissed her gently. "I love you too." 

*** 

"All right, after we get done here I want you to check in over at the OEOB with the Vice President. The detail is waiting for you." 

"Of course, Sir." Simon let out a bit of a breath. He'd been worried about reassignment to the Yukon given his relationship with CJ. 

"Can we go over some of the details about your report on the situation with Ms. Cregg?" 

"Sure." Trying to control the knots in his stomach, Simon kept reminding himself that CJ was okay now, that they had nothing to worry about and that he wasn't breaking any rules. He didn't want to be nervous, and he knew that he hadn't done anything wrong, but he still had a feeling he was going to get his wrists slapped. 

"This is pretty complete." Ron opened the file but didn't need to consult it; he'd already committed the information to memory. "You did a good job with a difficult customer." 

"She was reluctant, yes, sir. But I believe it was more from fear." 

"Ellie Bartlet has similar reactions to protection." 

"Yes." 

"As far as I'm concerned, the matter is closed, other than the final reports we'll be receiving from the field offices and the final charges that will be filed. I'll brief Ms. Cregg on what she will need to know or do in regards to the charges. We've referred Mr. Adams to the district attorney's office and charges of stalking and harassment will be filed. He's confessed everything, and we are secure in his assurances that there are no accomplices." Ron chewed on his lip, watching for any indication from Simon that he too felt something wasn't quite right. 

"How long will limited surveillance continue?" Simon sighed, not really wanting his fellow agents to know exactly what he was doing with CJ, but that ship had already sailed. 

"At least six months. We don't want a copycat to spring up either." Ron sighed and looked at his agent. "Simon, there is something we need to discuss, though." 

"I..." 

Ron held up a hand. "I don't need to tell you that it is a serious breech of protocol to become romantically involved with a protectee." 

"Sir..." Simon sighed. "No, you don't." 

"Did you, at any time while she was officially under your umbrella of protection engage in any behavior that would be considered inappropriate?" 

"I won't deny that we flirted, Sir. And there was an almost kiss, but I stopped it." 

"Anything else?" 

"After I told CJ ... Ms. Cregg ... that we had caught Mr. Adams, there was a kiss, but..." 

"Officially you weren't through with the case yet, Simon." 

"Sir..." 

"You and Ms. Cregg have begun a romantic relationship." It wasn't a question. 

"Yes, Sir." Simon squirmed for a minute before regaining his equilibrium. "Sir, that in of itself is not a breech of protocol. She is no longer under my direct protection." 

"No, it's not an official breech of protocol, but what happens if and when something happens and you cannot separate the personal from the professional?" He was digging on purpose. 

"Sir, with all due respect, CJ and I haven't discussed that. Right now, right now I just want to enjoy time with her." 

"I can't order you to not see her." Ron sighed, "and I wouldn't. I've known you for a long time, Simon, and this is the first time I've seen you this happy. But I do want you to proceed with caution and if there is any sign that this situation is not over, you will not be allowed to work in any capacity with any new team that would be assigned to Ms. Cregg." 

"I understand, Sir." Simon squirmed. Could Ron tell that he wasn't completely comfortable with the situation? That CJ was upset over something and wasn't telling him what it was? Or was it that they all felt this had been too easy a fix, but the evidence refused to let them follow any other leads? 

Ron signed off on the report and set it into the stack of reports to officially be filed. "Be careful, Simon. And I'll be checking in with you regarding the ongoing situation." 

Simon just nodded, acknowledging the order. But, he smiled at his friend, knowing the official part of the conversation was over. "How's Grace?" He, of all the agents, knew that Ron's wife was an undercover agent with the CIA. Most of them had no clue about their boss' personal life. 

Ron smiled, "She came home last night." He sighed, thinking of his wife, and how Simon now looked at CJ the same way he still looked at Grace. Almost twenty-five years since they'd married and Ron still worshiped the very ground Grace walked on. 

"That's great. She all right?" 

"Yeah." Ron smiled. "Okay, get back to work." 

"Thank you, Sir." He nodded his head and slipped out, more relieved than he wanted to admit. He'd been ready for Ron to order him to stop seeing CJ, and that wasn't something he was ready to do. 

*** 

CJ looked up and simply, smiled. "Hi." Hopefully, he wouldn't be able to tell she was upset. She needed to not let Matthew's once-monthly e-mail get to her; she knew better than to let him push her buttons. It really didn't matter. 

Simon couldn't help the violin strings in his head or thinking of cheesy lines to get her to go home with him. He was blushing like a teenager, and it was all her fault. All of it. If she didn't make the noises that she made when he kissed her neck, or if she didn't move her hips the way she did when she walked, he'd be fine. He wanted to use one of those cheesy lines on her, but the look in her eyes stopped him. Something had happened. "Hi." He came into her office and closed the door behind him. "I, uh, was wondering if you had some free time for a quick lunch. We can't get much, I mean, there isn't a lot of time I know, maybe just a trip to the mess, but ..." He frowned, "CJ, what's wrong?" 

It was easy to shrug off the question. She shook her head and poked her head out the door, "Carol, could you do me a favor and go down to the mess. Pick up two salads and a couple bottles of water?" She handed over a ten. "Thanks." 

"No problem." CJ shut the door again, closing out the world, and tugged him up against her. "Hi." She said again. He just kissed her in response. "You're feeling good," she smiled as they broke apart. 

"What makes you say that?" 

"Just a couple of days ago you'd have stood there and told me that you aren't supposed to kiss a protectee." 

"I'm not supposed to kiss a protectee." He chuckled and kissed her again. "But you aren't a protectee anymore." 

"Why do I think you're lying to me?" She pulled back and looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "It's all too simple." 

"You aren't my protectee anymore. The rest of the work comes in charging the suspect and making sure that he doesn't go free and in building the case. You're free." 

CJ still tilted her head. "You still aren't telling me something." 

"Get used to it. Anyway, there's something you aren't telling me." Simon kissed her again, "I'm not going anywhere and there are a lot of things that we aren't going to be able to tell each other." 

"You have a point." 

Carol interrupted them by coming in with the salads and water bottles. Knowing her boss like she did, she closed the door behind her and made a point to not walk away until Simon left about half an hour later. It took every ounce of self-control for her to not crack up at the very satisfied look on the agent's face as he walked away from the office. 

*** 

"Hey you, you're running late." CJ collapsed into the couch as she picked up the phone. 

"Evening, Juliet. It's not who you obviously think it is." 

CJ grumbled at herself for not checking the caller ID. "Matt, what do you want? I got your check, thank you by the way, and I'm getting a little tired with your constant phone calls bitching about the secret service questioning you. It wasn't my choice to get stalked and if it makes you feel any better, they interrogated my brothers too. My brothers, however, don't look at it as a personal affront." 

"I ... I don't know why I called really. Other than to ask when you're going to get yourself married again so I can stop sending you twenty percent of my income." 

"I can always drag you back in front of a judge and have you brought up on assault, rape and attempted murder charges. You signed that deal to keep your sorry ass out of prison and I still, to this day, defend you to the rest of the world. So shut up and tell me the real reason you called. Because I do indeed have someone coming over, someone I like a hell of a lot better than I ever liked you." 

At her ex-husband's silence on the line, CJ almost felt guilty. "Matt, look, I'm sorry. I know that rehab worked for you, I'm just ... I'm still jumpy from this whole thing." 

"Yeah, me too," he purred into the line. "I know you hate my guts, but I still worry about you." 

"I don't hate your guts, Matt. Really." She glanced toward the door, wondering when her knight in shining armor would come to save her. She could go toe to toe with the president of the United States and walk away a stronger woman, all her ex-husband had to do was call and she was reduced to a kitten cowering in the corner. "But why did you call?" 

"Something just told me to, I guess. I didn't mean to snap at you before, about the income thing. You know I don't mind giving you the money. It's the least I can do for ..." 

"Look, we don't talk about it. It only upsets both of us. Anyway, you've got Cathy now and the kids and you're doing well. So, why did you call?" 

"Like I said, something just told me to." He was still purring. "And to make sure you got the check. My bank statements were -" 

"I e-mailed you. I told you I got the check. Just like I do every month." She heard, mercifully, the key turning in the lock. "Look, Matt, the guy I like better than you just showed up so I'm going to go now." Before he had time to argue with her, CJ clicked the phone off and tossed it onto the coffee table. She had just enough time before Simon stepped through the door to put on a happier, calmer face. 

Simon wasn't fooled for an instant. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing." She moved from the couch and went to wrap her arms around him. "I'm glad you came over though. It was so late, I thought you wouldn't. I was about to head to bed." 

"I thought about going home and letting you sleep, but something wouldn't let me." He kissed her nose. "You want to head to bed?" 

CJ giggled. "Getting straight to the point are we?" 

"Of course." He ran his hands up her back and frowned at the slight flinch. He suspected that she hadn't even noticed it, but it had been there. "CJ, what just happened?" He looked over to her phone. "Who called?" 

"Simon ... let it go, okay?" She kissed him gently. Simon, for his part, wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her back, asserting his territorial claim. It didn't take a genius to figure out it had been CJ's ex husband on the line, and knowing what the bastard had done to her, he wanted to both protect her from the world and to also stake his claim. CJ was his now, and Matthew Gregson could disappear back into the swamp where he belonged. 

*** 

"Grace Butterfield, as I live and breathe!" Simon laughed and, in a moment of complete unprofessionalism, caught his best friend's wife into a tight hug. "You look amazing." 

"Thanks, so do you!" Grace pulled back and ruffled his hair. "I hear from my husband," they fell into step together, "that you've finally fallen for someone." 

Simon laughed and opened the door for her as they continued the walk down to the secret service part of the basement. "Your husband is a gossip." 

"Her husband is also your direct superior." Ron chuckled as he met up with the two of them. "I'm sorry to make you come all the way down here, Grace. I couldn't get off a conference call." He kissed his wife's cheek before looking at Simon, "I need you to call over to the District Attorney's office right away regarding the arraignment of Mr. Adams." 

Simon nodded, frowning, not liking the look on Ron's face. "All right. Grace," he touched her arm, "it's good to see you. Stay in the country for a while, will you?" 

She chuckled. "I'm working on it. Come for dinner this weekend. I'll have Ron crack open the grill." 

"It sounds wonderful." Simon nodded before hurrying off to do his boss' bidding. The uneasy feeling in his stomach was coming back. 

*** 

"Where were you reassigned, I never got the chance to ask that the other night." CJ smiled as she curled up on the couch next to Simon. He looked tired. 

"The Vice President's Detail. I'll be helping Ron to run the detail that works the White House specifically." 

"It gets you out of the field for a while." She ran her hand up his arm, obviously glad that he'd be out of the line of fire. 

Simon turned and smiled at her. The events of the past few days still hadn't quite sunk in yet. CJ had gone from a fantasy, a protectee he dreamed about being able to love, to a woman who was quite willing to dive head first into a relationship with him. Was that where they were going? Was this the beginning of a relationship? Last night had been amazing, and it had only seemed natural to come back to his apartment after work today, was it only natural that they were going to head into something serious? He wanted to. But he didn't want to put a name to anything until they were done jumping each other ever chance they had. Lunch today had been simply mind-blowing - he still marveled that she was able to give a blowjob without getting anything on either of their suits. But now, as they sat on his couch, unwinding after a sixteen-hour day, it felt perfectly comfortable - as if it would always stay that way. "Are you going to stay tonight?" He leaned over to kiss her cheek again, not wanting to spend the night without her but also knowing that she would need to go get a change of clothes ... already he was starting to wonder if she shouldn't keep some clothes here or he keep some clothes there. How the hell had it progressed like this? 

CJ nuzzled the kiss, "I want to, but I have a five-thirty meeting with Toby. It's the only time we could sneak it in. "Even if I went to bed now, I'd only get four real hours of sleep and I'm already running on fumes." Simon nodded; she looked more tired than he felt. "I want to stay, though." 

"The weekend is approaching," he smiled, "maybe we'll have a little time." 

"Maybe." She stroked his cheek. "Can we do this?" She asked, gently. 

"Do what, CJ?" 

"Balance our jobs, working in the same building, and doing ... whatever it is we're doing?" 

"What are we doing?" He took her hand. 

"I don't know. But I like it so far." She smiled and kissed him again. "I should be done with Toby by six-thirty, maybe we can get breakfast before I have senior staff." 

"I'd love to." He kissed her softly. "Do you want some coffee before you drive home? I don't want you falling asleep on the roads." 

"It isn't far." CJ kissed him again, wondering if she had the time and energy to just get up early enough to go home in the wee hours of the morning. 

"No, it's not." He slid his hand up her leg, trying to control himself. He really wanted her to stay. Really. His lips moved to that place right under her ear lobe, the one he'd discovered this morning while they were making each other late for work yet again. 

"Simon..." she whimpered, "Simon, I..." 

"Yeah?" He chuckled against her skin. 

"I can get up early." She slid her arms around his neck. 

"Are you sure?" 

"No," CJ murmured, "But I really don't want to go home." She whimpered when he kissed that spot again. 

"Can I show you my bedroom?" Simon smiled in between the kisses he was placing to her neck and chin. 

"Please." 

*** 

"Sorry." She flashed an apologetic smile at Toby when she raced into his office fifteen minutes late. 

"It's okay." He shrugged. It was odd for CJ to be late, but he wasn't going to push it. She'd been running ragged lately and had left after he did last night. "We can blow through this pretty quickly." 

"Good. I'd like to be back in my office around six-thirty. There's some stuff I want to take care of before staff." 

"You know," Toby continued to look at his notes, "if you wanted to blow off this meeting this morning and sleep in with Simon, all you had to do was tell me." 

CJ choked on her coffee. "Toby!" 

"I know everything about you," he still didn't look up. "Talk to me if you need to, okay?" 

She sighed. "Thanks." Toby didn't say another word about it, he just handed over the stack of releases they were working on for the next round of campaign stops. 

*** 

"Toby knows about us." CJ collapsed onto her bed next to Simon. 

"Is that what had you so quiet all day?" Simon reached over to rub her back gently. Out of the office by eight, dinner at a small restaurant, and back to his place for a change of clothes before they ended up at her apartment again. This was quickly becoming something serious. 

"Partly. I'm not used..." she sighed and looked at him. 

"You aren't used to being attached to someone. You're a strong, solo, completely independent woman and when people see you with a man, you think it diminishes you in their eyes." 

CJ blinked at him. "How do you know everything?" 

He just grinned. "I watch you, you know. I was paid to for a number of weeks." CJ giggled. "I love it when you do that." 

"Do what?" 

"Giggle." She did it again. Simon moved across the bed to take her in his arms. Her giggles were cut short as he kissed her deeply. He wanted her to sleep tonight, to really get some rest that she hadn't been getting, but it was early yet, and he didn't think he could get through the day anymore without her legs wrapped around his body at least once. CJ gave in to his kisses and worked at the buttons on his shirt. The need to talk and share would come later; right now she wanted him inside of her. 

*** 

"What's bothering you?" Grace slid her hands up Ron's bare back before wrapping herself around him. She listened to his heartbeat change and felt the tension in his lower back. "This case involving Simon?" 

"Yeah." He leaned back into her touch. "I can't shake that something is really wrong. That we got the wrong guy." 

"Did you?" She asked again, listening to her husband's nerves working out the details. 

"Not according to the evidence. My forensic team, the FBI's forensic team, everyone concurs that Adams was the man stalking CJ. He's admitted to it and there is absolutely no evidence otherwise. The e-mails have stopped, there have been no calls or photographs taken since we captured this guy ..." 

"So why does it all feel like a puzzle that you've been gift wrapped?" 

"Yeah." He turned to face her, and smiled when her hands came to rest over his heart. "But I can only go on the evidence." 

"That and Simon Donovan is sleeping with her. You know as well as I do that if there is anyone who can protect anyone, it's Simon. It's why you assigned him to CJ in the first place." 

"But what if I'm wrong, Grace? What if we don't have the guy? What if Simon can't see beyond his feelings for CJ?" 

"Then you're wrong." Grace sighed and stroked his cheek. "Ron, you are where you are for a reason, and I can count on one hand the number of times you've been wrong in the twenty-six years I've known you. That doesn't mean that you can't be wrong at times. If you're wrong, you're wrong and you'll need to remember that you have a fantastic team who are trained to keep things from going wrong." She sighed and leaned up to kiss him softly. 

"Are you okay?" He caressed her arms after their lips came apart. "I don't want to know what happened wherever you were, but something is bothering you." 

"It's my usual post-assignment blah's, Ron. That's all. I come home to your arms and I debrief and I return to my life as your wife and all I want is a desk job and to be home by six so that I can cook you dinner. I'm tired of getting shot at, I'm tired of shooting; I'm tired of all of it. And I say that and then in three weeks I'll be itching to get back out into the field." 

"I hope you're home longer than three weeks." He sighed. "I missed you this time ... more than usual." 

"Me too." She kissed him again. "So come back to bed, okay?" 

*** 

"Hey, the two of us, being together, is it going to get you into trouble?" CJ leaned against the cut in the wall that separated his kitchen and dining room. Her long fingers were wrapped around a glass of white wine and she looked completely comfortable in a pair of his boxer shorts and one of his black t-shirts. It was close to midnight, but tomorrow was Saturday and he wasn't on until one and her first briefing wasn't until eleven. They could eat a late dinner, make love again, and then go back to bed. Simon couldn't help but stare at the way she looked in his shirt. It was so perfect, so comfortable. This was serious. 

CJ smiled as she watched him put together a small but healthy dinner for the both of them. She loved being wrapped in his shirt - it smelled of his old spice and that scent that marked him specifically. 

"No. The other day, during my debrief, Ron reminded me about protocol, and then wished me luck." He smiled over at her. 

"Good." CJ took another sip of the wine. "Simon ... I'm no ... I'm not any good with relationships. You should know that before this goes one minute further. I demand my space, I hate letting people in, I'm a woman in a man's job and that has a tendency to make me very self-conscious, and once the sex wears off, I never know what to do with this other person in my life. I don't want to hurt you. I keep failing at relationships and my marriage ... well, that was the world's stupidest mistake." 

"CJ." Simon walked away from the meal and over to her. "You think I'm any good at them either? My life is my work, or it was until I met you. I almost never make it to the point where I can take someone to bed, because sex is so much more than the physical for me. But this ... us ... this isn't something new. You and I were flirting since the moment I walked into your office. But when you need your space, I'll give it to you. Just like I know you'll do the same for me." He smiled when she blushed. "Does this mean," he swallowed a bit nervously, "that the next time my brother asks me if I've got a girlfriend, I can say yes?" 

For a brief second, CJ panicked, and she knew that Simon could see it in her eyes. He took a step back, giving her that space to let her think, but he kept his eyes on her. After a minute, the panic subsided and she reached for his hand, "Only if I can tell my brothers that I've finally got a boyfriend who could actually kick their asses rather than the other way around." 

Simon answered her with a passionate kiss and dinner was almost forgotten. 

*** 

"Who was that?" Simon frowned, looking at his girlfriend carefully. This was the second time in a span of two weeks that he'd come in to find her eyes troubled and the phone thrown haphazardly onto the table. 

"No one." She took the bottle of wine he was holding and wandered back into the kitchen to check on the late dinner they'd planned. 

"A no one with the name of Matthew?" 

"How did you ...?" She sighed. "Of course you know the ins and outs of my personnel file." 

"He was the first one we investigated." 

"I know. And all it's done is lead to nasty phone calls even though the investigation is over with. You know ... I ..." she caught her breath and tried to shake it off. "Never mind." 

"What did he say?" Simon followed her into the kitchen, worried. 

"Oh, just that if he'd wanted to be stalking me, he knew better ways to upset me than to send hate mail." 

Simon took the wine from her shaking hands, "Hey, I know what he did to you, all right. It's okay to be upset, especially if the investigation triggered these phone calls." 

CJ sighed and snuggled up against her boyfriend. "Matt really is a good guy, we were just completely incompatible and didn't realize it until we were a year into our marriage. Addicts can hide all kinds of problems." They'd been divorced for fifteen years and she still felt the need to defend the asshole. 

"What happened?" He knew the personnel file, he'd read the transcripts from the interview and the court decisions regarding CJ's failed marriage. 

She closed her eyes, remembering what she could of that fight fifteen years ago. "We were young, Simon." 

"Look," he leveled with her, "you know that I know the report, I know your history, and I can easily go in and read about assault charges filed and then dropped against a one Matthew Gregson, or I could get you to tell me about your abusive ex-husband." 

"He wasn't abusive, Simon. That's the part that is so hard for people to understand. He really wasn't. He hit me once, and once only and it was out of the blue. But after that I couldn't trust him is all." 

"He hit you ..." Simon sighed and placed a gentle kiss to her hair. "He didn't just hit you." 

"No." She wrapped herself tighter around him, "But we split, I filed for divorce, I got therapy, he got therapy, and we were even able to resolve our marriage without him ending up in jail. He's been married now for ten years and he has three beautiful children and I trust that he's managed to find a hold on his temper. He called only to make sure I was okay, that's all. He just has the ability still to push all these buttons, and even a casual phone call can set me on edge." She was lying, and she knew that Simon knew it, but it wasn't worth dragging her ex husband's problems into her life now. Matt went through these phases where he called her and harassed her - it was how she could always tell he was drinking again. But it wasn't worth ruining everyone's life over. As long as he stayed in California and sent her the alimony checks, she was fine. The only reason she kept taking his money after all these years, money she really didn't need, was that it honestly it wasn't worth the headache of going to her lawyers and redoing the divorce settlement. She didn't want to open that mess up all over again. 

"Yeah." Simon sighed and let her lie to him. Truth be told, he hadn't liked the tone of the interview that had been conducted with CJ's ex-husband, but he didn't know if it was because he was jealous, or because his instincts were telling him that the guy wasn't as clean as CJ said he was. 

*** 

"Simon, do you have a minute?" Ron walked into the Secret Service bullpen, a file folder in hand. "I have a theory and I want to talk to you about it." 

Simon nodded and followed Ron into his office. "What is it?" 

"Sit down." Ron took a seat on the other side of the desk and flipped open the latest of the limited surveillance report on CJ. "How is CJ, Simon?" Ron looked carefully at his agent. 

"This isn't a personal question, is it?" 

"Not really." He handed the closed file to Simon. This was against protocol, but if anyone knew exactly where CJ Cregg's mind was right now, it was Simon. 

"Something is still bothering me. It's instinct. This ..." He looked down at the phone trace log on the top of the file and sighed. Matthew's number was listed more often than he liked. Hell, having it listed at all was too much. 

Ron nodded, a part of him very glad to know that he wasn't the only one feeling this way. "Tell me your feelings on the ex-husband." 

"Can these be personal or professional feelings?" 

Ron shrugged. "At the moment, we're technically off the record, though I'm going to remember this conversation and make it record worthy if I feel it necessary." 

"Noted." 

"So your feelings on the ex-husband." 

Simon sighed. "I ... Ron, note these feelings are definitely colored by my relationship with Ms. Cregg." 

"So noted." 

"His interview raised a number of flags for me. His past record with Ms. Cregg and the reasons for their divorce could be considered escalating behavior." 

"What have you noticed, personally? I'm not asking you to reveal confidences, Simon, but we both have a ... feeling ... for lack of a better word." 

"Matthew Gregson remains an unwanted figure in Ms. Cregg's life but he is not enough of a factor for it to be considered a problem or harassment. They talk on occasion, and she receives alimony payments from him." Simon sighed, knowing that Ron knew all of this already. "He's more of a factor than I want in her life, Ron. And it's not just jealousy speaking. He's trouble and suddenly he's making his presence very well known. CJ always says that he calls just to check on her, but she's very withdrawn after each phone call. He does stay within the confines of their divorce decree, his alimony payments are never late, he has no tax notifications regarding their relationship, and until the hate mail incident, the only correspondence they had was a once monthly e-mail regarding her receipt of the alimony check." He shrugged, again knowing that he was saying nothing that the file didn't know. "It's a feeling, Ron," he said softly. "But we can't investigate based on feelings, especially after the man we have in custody has been charged." 

"But you have a feeling." 

"I do." Simon looked down at his hands for a minute, putting his thoughts into words. "I had the opportunity to observe Ms. Cregg while she was under my direct protection, and during that time she had two contacts with her ex-husband. One was the e-mail that I mentioned, the other was a phone call the night before we caught the stalker." 

"That phone call is logged." Ron noted back to the logs. 

"Yeah. We have the tape and transcript of that call, but what isn't in the log is CJ's ... Ms. Cregg's ... reaction to the call. She was visibly upset." 

Ron nodded. 

Simon finally let his emotion spill forth, "He called last night, Ron. It took me two hours to calm her down. Two hours. And ... speaking on a personal level, as someone who cares very deeply for this woman, there was something that shook her more than anyone's reaction in talking to an ex." 

"Okay." Ron gave into his feelings. "I'm going to authorize a limited observation of Mr. Gregson - we will not tell Ms. Cregg, but any further contact ... and we will again reopen the investigation. I will also direct the district attorney to be prepared to open further charges of conspiracy against the man in custody." 

"It's just a feeling, Ron." 

"We won't waste too much time on _your_ feelings. It's mine that are driving this." 

"Okay." 

*** 

Instinct woke Simon. An hour before her alarm was to go off, CJ slept peacefully, the soft sheet up just around her waist, her arm subconsciously protecting her modesty. Gently, careful not to wake her, Simon pulled the sheet up completely over CJ's body and then slipped out of bed. After finding his boxers in the sea of clothing that had been tossed off the minute they'd hit the bedroom, Simon started a patrol, beginning with her bedroom window. With each stop through the apartment, Simon told himself he was being silly and that it was just the leftover emotion from protecting CJ from the stalker that was now in custody. 

He paused at the front door, listening, knowing the sounds of this building at night. Something was different, but when he opened the door and peeked out, there was nothing out of place. With a sigh, he closed and bolted the door, and headed back up to the bedroom. He could protect CJ better if he was in the same room as her. She still hadn't moved. For a minute, Simon envied her the peace she seemed to feel, but it was his job, his nature to always be alert. The animal the army had made of him knew when danger was near, and something wasn't quite right. He slid back into bed and drew CJ back into his arms. If he couldn't protect her from the unknown and the unseen, he could hold her in his arms and shield her. 


End file.
